Diving in the deep end
I literally dived in the deep end a couple of days ago.
My swimming class is usually in an indoor pool which is shallow enough for an adult of typical height to stand upright. There are currently three students of varying skills and confidence in the class. I think I’m in the middle - there is one student, H, who is more confident and capable than me and one student, A, who is less capable and confident than me.
I have been practising in the indoor pool for a few months now and hadn’t realised how accustomed I had gotten to it. I’d even say I am pretty confident in this pool. Even if I’m still pretty inept as a swimmer and can’t do a competent freestyle lap yet.
When the swimming instructor took the class out to the big - deep - pool this week, it was like I forgot everything I’d learned, initially. She got us to jump in feet first one by one, which I did, despite my misgivings. (M asked how I could just jump in and I said I did because I trusted R the instructor, which I did/do.)
I had never done this before - jump in feet first into a deep pool - and it was scary and exhilarating and weird to feel the water when I hit it. It didn’t hurt but I could definitely feel the impact of the water and I can see how a plunge from a great height might kill a person. For a second when I went under I had this panic of “I’m going to drown and I can’t feel the bottom” but then I stretched my arms up and came up to the surface and the instructor handed me a pool noodle and woo I was okay again, momentarily.
And after we were all in the water for a few seconds the three of us were flailing around in the water until we calmed down a bit, and in my case I remembered that actually I had learned how to do simple things in the the water like move my body and bring my knees up to my chest to turn my body so I could float on my front instead of just lying there trying not to drown…
It was weird how I just sort of froze and expected to just be able to stay afloat in the water without actually doing anything. I had to actually make myself think about what to do and then try to do it, it wasn’t automatic at all.
And then I realised I might sink and started panicking slightly and bumping around into the other student, A, and the two of us flailed around until the instructor managed to calm us and got us to the lane rope so we could hold on for dear life and remember what to do. It’s funny when I think about it now.
I kind of wish I could have the experience of jumping into deep water for the first time, again. Like, I don’t know that I felt everything I might have felt in that moment because I was feeling a couple of things like fear and panic and the blue clearness of the water. If it was possible to replay the moment and experience it again, would it feel any different?